Flooding often reveals the handiwork of nebulous ancient societies. Such is the case in Springfield, Vermont, Official Home of the Simpsons, where the new New England Monsoon has produced prodigious downpours and flooding that removed centuries of deposits, carrying away burrows, logs, and the occasional squirrels nests, to expose a landscape that has not seen the rise or fall of the sun since well before the advent of Amplified Sound and multi-track recording devices.
Scientific teams including botanists, Lutherans, and archaeologists from both Norway and Minnesota have converged in their pocket-lined numbers on Springfield, Vermont, Home of the Simpsons, after the announcement of the chance find of "significant cultural remains of a rare and hitherto unexpected ancient regional power center that in it's once proud heyday threw up to the skies this great edifice, testament to it's clear skills and fine accomplishments".
Indeed, vast hordes of scientists and scholars can be seen, starting at dawn, sifting about the site after clay tablets, potsherds, collar buttons,bottle caps, and any other traces of what has been variously described as a proto-Viking, proto-Olmec, or proto-Irish transitional culture - some ancient culture familiar certainly with earth-moving machinery, but obviously hobbled by the lack of even the most rudimentary universal public health insurance system, a fact which most scholars believe led to their demise, this perhaps when environmental stresses finally overwhelmed a system, precarious but effective, that balanced unfairly in favor of a tricky elite block.
Preliminary studies of fragmentary evidence seem to point to signs that may indeed pinpoint this truncated pyramid as one of the centers of the cult of the little known Olmec deity Bongocoatl, "bringer of refreshing beverages", a deity in part known for the set of only partially understood cultic worship rituals that in part included the "dance of the rhubarb maidens" and the ritual Sacrifice of Summer Squashes (SSS).
It must be noted, that one careless scholar was heard to remark, all to loudly, that the bacchic overtones of the "dance of the rhubarb maidens" had implications for shocking antecedents that could not be overlooked for very long, an observation that immediatly divided the camp into armed factions, each intent on interpreting the "affinities that dare not speak their names" according to their own backers' wishes and directives, thus complicating the ongoing progress in a way that is only discernible from the perspective of a check book.
This over-speaking scholar, when aroused from his reverie and apprised of the situation that had developed as a direct result of his ill-advised pronouncements, rushed to explain that he had been merely "nearly asleep and simply thinking out loud", and that, as such, "nothing so said could possibly be construed as being in any way as 'on the record'". This of course had no effect on anyone at all, as the dog-eared chaos had already moved on to further states.
The other remarkable fact discussed by all, the obvious absence of the signature Beakers, is revealing also of another line of investigation that trails the obsolescence of this fascinating report - in that the obvious parallels between this and the recent structures brought to light in the Orkney dig (please see http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/scotland/article6795316.ece), make it clear that much work will need to be done before a definitive statement on the matter can be conclusively formed, much less stated.
One attending expert, Dr. Macrovertigo, University of Heidelberg, SA, gave this statement to the press: "It is too early to say so, but these are certainly extra-ordinary circumstances, times, and developements. This latte needs more sugar if you please."
Bongo had this to say: "Are you gonna eat that?".
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